I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
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It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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