So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
