I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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