There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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