There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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