I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My ass is underappreciated
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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