I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
