lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
