This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
