we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
