i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My cat gives me a boner
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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