you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
