we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Drunk is not a location!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
