wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
do nipples grow back?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
