I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
