Ambien. No doubt about it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
