Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
