Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize