3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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