i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
