Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
