She is in my trunk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
