Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
