My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize