Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
