i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We were destined to go to rehab together
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
