I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
