she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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