His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
