Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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