i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Shame - the story of my life.
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