I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
