I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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