dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize