Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
