oh god the rape fog is back!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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