He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
