there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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