Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
