The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
