So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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