; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Randomize
