maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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