I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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