just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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