The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
