at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we're so committed to being not committed
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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