This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
