She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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