when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
false alarm. still invincible.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
