Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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