I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
