The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
