so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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