so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
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Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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