Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
