I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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