last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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