Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
