so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
