I just cut my nipple shaving
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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