In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
